Posted by: fatbegonegirls | April 9, 2011

Oops I Did It Again….

well….I didn’t think I would ever audition for The Biggest Loser again, but I did.  My friend, Jodi, and I went down to the open casting call in Salt Lake City a few weeks back.  It was definitely a different experience from last July.

This time, the call was held in the Maverick Center.  They were in between ice hockey games at the arena so the ice was all prepped and ready for that evening’s game and it was C.O.L.D. up in there!  BRRRRR.  My buns are still a little frost bitten.

Last time I auditioned I was the fortunate recipient of a VIP pass–that I never had to use because there wasn’t even a line.  This time, no VIP pass and the numbers we were assigned when we arrived were 474 and 475.  I don’t recall exactly what numbers they were calling in at the time, but we were a long ways down the list.  I wasn’t too discouraged, however, because they seemed to be moving right along and there were some nice people around to talk to.

Unfortunately about 3 hours into our wait in line, the movement on our end of the arena stopped completely and the VIPs seated in the next section started pouring in.  We sat almost two hours before people from the non-VIP section were called to be interviewed.  Oh how I wished I had the coveted VIP this go around. 🙂

The interviewer we sat with this time was cute and bubbly.  She talked to us about the importance of not taking too much time with our answers or there wouldn’t be enough time for everyone to answer, and then we were off–rapid fire questions and equally as rapid answers.  At one point the casting director asked if anyone came with a partner.  Jodi and I spoke up and she light up like a light bulb–until she found out we weren’t related and then it was back to business as usual.

Looking back on this experience I can see a lot of things that I should/could have done differently.  But….it was a fun day and it is always fun to hang with Jodi. We went in on a video camera together so we could make a home tape.  I encouraged her to see if she could talk a sibling into sending in a tape with her because I think she would have a better shot with that.

At a certain point, I was unsure about sending a video in.  I mean–that’s a lot of time and effort to put into something that won’t likely work out and that even if it did would bring a whole new host of decisions that would be difficult (can I afford to chance losing my job? can I take the scrutiny from family, friends, and the general public that will come along with such an opportunity? am I really strong enough to do this?).  But, I decided that it is best to finish what I start so I threw my whole energy into it.  Was my tape great?  Probably not. But it was me and I had a good time putting it together.

The hard thing about going through this process (which is also one of the good things about going through the process) is that it really makes me think of why I want to lose weight, how I ended up here, what I really want out of life, what I’m really capable of doing.  That kind of self-introspection often leaves me tired and feeling completely overwhelmed about the situation and trapped.

The past weeks have been a struggle with that.  Then, this week a whole boat load of the current season BL cast was at Golden Corral for a meet and greet.  I wasn’t able to go, but there has a been a “Biggest Loser” buzz in the air in Cache Valley this week.  I heard on the radio that Rulon’s gym is doing a 12-week boot camp that starts on Monday.  I called and got all of the info about it.  Unfortunately, I just can’t justify the cost.  I don’t know how I would pay for it.

But it has me thinking…..I’ve been seriously working on losing weight for the past 5 years.  I know what to do.  I have a lot of resources available that won’t cost me a lot more (if any more) than just my current (fairly inexpensive) gym membership.  I am strong and capable.  I can do this!  I can do this!!

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Responses

  1. I personally had a big breakthrough when I realized that it’s all up to me – nobody was going to “fix” me, my life or my weight. Like you, I realized that I already had everything I needed. What I didn’t have was a strong enough desire to succeed that would overcome the subconscious need not to succeed. This was a tough one, but I’m working on it – very hard, I might add!

    You can do this, but you need to ask yourself why you want to succeed and then ask yourself why you don’t want to succeed. Because, if you had really wanted to, you would have by now. So something is holding you back.

    Good luck! You can do this!

    • That’s some deep stuff Hanlie–but I completely agree! I’ve been thinking about what it is I’m scared of that’s holding me back.

      Thanks for your support and example! I appreciate you a bunch!


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